A few weeks ago, there was this curious headline in the newspaper – “South Korea to build nuclear reactors in India”. Further reading revealed that in exchange, India would launch South Korean satellites into orbit – it just made me realize how wonderfully complicated modern trade has really become. I mean, building nuclear reactors in exchange for getting their satellites in orbit? How did the Koreans think that up?
It would've been fun being a fly on the wall in that fateful meeting when the Koreans were going about deciding this:
Korean Trade Minister: We need to get the Indians to agree to launch our satellites in orbit, and of course, keep it there! What can we give them in return? How about oil? I’ve heard India is always short of oil.
Korean Trade Minister’s Aide: We don’t produce oil, sir. But I’ve heard they’re looking for help in building nuclear reactors.
Korean Trade Minister: Excellent. Do we produce nuclear reactors?
Korean Trade Minister’s Aide: No – we decided to focus on cars, consumer electronics and hosting pointless multinational sports extravaganzas, remember?
Korean Trade Minister: So who builds them, then?
Korean Trade Minister’s Aide: The usual suspects, sir. The Americans, the Brits, the Russians, the Chinese, the Japanese…
Korean Trade Minister: Did you say the Japanese??? That’s it, then! Anything the Japanese can do, we can do almost as well, but a whole lot cheaper. That’s the whole point of Korea! They’ve got Honda, we’ve got Hyundai. They’ve got Sony, we’ve got LG. Let’s tell the Indians we’ll build nuclear reactors for them!
Of course, this is not to say that Korea isn’t a perfectly respectable country, economically speaking, and there’s no reason why we shouldn’t trade with them. A lot of you, however, would be surprised to know that India has also signed a strategic trade pact with Mongolia, of all countries! You might wonder – what can we possibly need from the Mongolians?
Historically speaking, Mongolia has been famous for just one quality – aggression. Everyone remembers Genghis Khan, the legendary Mongol warrior-king who can never be mentioned without the word ‘pillaging’ also used in the same sentence. And the Mongols were so persistent in attacking the Chinese whenever they felt like it that the Great Wall of China was erected specifically for the purpose of keeping the Mongols out – and also so that even people on the moon could see how aggressive the Mongols really were.
Which made me think that maybe trading with the Mongols was not such a bad idea after all – there have been times we’ve been left with the feeling that India needs to be more aggressive when dealing with its foreign affairs – who better to learn it from than the Mongols, the one-time scourge of the Chinese? We could give the Mongols spices, bauxite, cattle, rice, telecom services, trucks, and even throw in Navjot Sidhu; in exchange for some of that aggressive mentality – sounds like a perfectly fair arrangement. Unfortunately, though, it turned out that the Mongols had stumbled upon a lot of Uranium in all that barren land of theirs – so they were going to give us Uranium and not the aggression we so badly need. Worse still, Navjot Sidhu was not a part of the exchange!
However, this again goes to illustrate how complex modern trade really is – you may think that someone has nothing to offer to you, only to find out that he’s suddenly discovered natural gas or inherited a lot of Uranium and could now be a strategic partner. This is all a far cry from the trade I’d known when I was a kid – when I’d go hungry the day they gave us samosas for breakfast, because I’d traded it with another kid for sausages – it never got any more complicated than that. So how did trade really begin?
According to economics, trade began when Country A (presumably full of really fat people) decided to produce only butter and Country B (presumably full of Texans or teenagers) decided to produce only guns. While trying to kill someone with a stick of butter, Country A realized that some guns might be handy as well, while Country B decided that butter would be a good lubricant when their guns got jammed. So they got together and exchanged some guns with butter so that both countries had a bit of both and lived happily ever after.
Of course, anyone who’s not dense enough to make the Amazon rainforest look like a barren tract of land would realize that there’s no way in hell that’s a true story. Unlike Shakira’s hips, Economics is not always a shining beacon of honesty. Here’s how trade really began:
When Country A and Country B met up for the first trade summit to exchange guns and butter, Country B realized that they had a huge advantage on their side – guns. So they simply shot all the Country A delegates and walked away with all the butter, without having to give up their guns! After much soul-searching, Country A realized its monumental stupidity and their President remarked – “There may be no better sight than the golden-yellow hue of melted butter; and no better sensation than it’s melt-in-your-mouth texture as you bite into a stick of butter; but by God we need to produce some guns else we’re in deep trouble!”. With this, the President of Country A decreed that Country A better start producing some guns along with butter.
Realizing this, Country B’s President immediately called an emergency meeting with his trusted aide:
President: Well, looks like the trade summit isn’t going to be that straightforward the next time – Country A has also decided to produce guns. What do we do now?
Aide: Well, I guess that leaves us with no choice but to give them something they want in exchange. I came across this product the other day called bread – it tastes perfect with a bit of butter. Otherwise the darn thing is too dry – only health freaks would touch it! Let’s start making some bread – when those guys try their butter on some of our bread, they’ll be more than willing to trade it with us. Plus, our people would also appreciate the improvement that butter brings to the taste of their daily bread.
Thus began the story of modern trade, as well as the modern-day breakfast.