If there’s one subject from school that no one seemed indifferent about, it was history. In a way, history was the chicken liver of academic streams – you either loved it or you hated it, and most people hated it. And although I hate chicken liver, history had always been a fascinating subject for me - full of intriguing stories made boring by the fact that you had to memorize them.
What was rather baffling, though, was why history had to be the same every year. At the beginning of each year, history started with the ancient civilizations – the Indus Valley, the Egyptians, the Mesopotamians (also known as the Sumerians just to confuse you) and the Chinese. After then briefly touching upon the Greeks, the rest of the world would be forgotten about and the focus would shift to India, with the chapters on South Indian kingdoms being skipped if you were in a North Indian school. Finally, every year, history would end with India gaining independence.
It wasn’t the same with other subjects – you learnt something new each year. For all the other subjects, people seem to have put some level of thought and planning – presumably breaking up the year-by-year syllabus on level of difficulty, how much a child of a certain age could absorb and other such criteria. But for some curious reason, the person who devised the history syllabus thought “You know what? Instead of children learning something new each year, why not force them to study the same goddamn stuff every single year?” If this were a cartoon, at this point there would be diabolical, crazed-scientist type laughter from the history syllabus guy accompanied by ominous lightning and thunder in the background. Ordinarily, you would expect a person with such thoughts to either be sentenced to death by firing squad, or if that’s too extreme for your liking, be quietly asked to go tend to his gardens and leave the whole syllabus business to someone more capable. But instead, the fellow was hailed as a revolutionary in educational circles “Teach the same thing every year? What a mind-bogglingly brilliant notion that is! Why didn’t we think of this before? Just to silence our detractors, we can have something different for the 10th Standard, but until then, it can be EXACTLY the same. I bet no one would even notice.”
In spite of all this, though, I still loved history – and history was one of the first things I noticed while walking about Kolkata. Maybe it had more to do with the part of Kolkata I was staying in, but the city just seemed to ooze history. Of course, this isn’t the centuries-old sort of history that envelops you on visiting an actual historical town like Hampi. It’s not the sort of history where if you picked out a building and told me “Chandragupta Vikramaditya used to drink here with Kautilya on Friday evenings” or “This is the park where Sher Shah Suri was relaxing in when he got the idea to build the Grand Trunk Road” I’d believe you. It’s a very recent sort of history, but one that still adds a lot of character as far as a city is concerned. It’s the sort of history where if you told me “India’s first telegraph message was sent from this building” or “This building was inaugurated by Queen Victoria to commemorate cotton trade between India and England”, I’d find that perfectly acceptable. Every second building seemed to have some sort of stately, heritage air to it, as if to tell you “This may look like a dusty, stained and dilapidated building now, but important financial transactions used to take place here – this is where the first business houses started their businesses.” You might think that all this isn’t that big a deal, but it’s utterly fascinating for someone from Bangalore where most buildings tend to be all glass and no character.
And given how deserted the roads tend to get after 10 in the night in Bangalore (or Delhi, for that matter), it was a pleasant surprise to see the amount of people on the streets even at 11. And unlike Mumbai, it didn’t have the feel of “Oh, I work super hard and party super-duper hard so I just have to get from point A to point B and am therefore on the road” – it had more of a “Oh, I just feel like hanging around and killing some time and am therefore on the road” sort of feel to it. People were just milling about – standing and chatting around the pavements, under trees, playing cricket on the streets, etc – no one seemed to be in any sort of rush. And you just felt safe – I know this sounds utterly illogical and has no basis in reason, but think of it this way. Which of these scenarios seem the least likely to occur to you if you’re walking alone late at night?
1. Delhi - A burly Jat driving by screeches to a halt near you; brandishes a shiny pistol and threatens to beat you to pulp, shoot you and then discard your body in some hinterland-type area if you don’t hand him all your money.
2. Mumbai - You’re caught in the middle of some underworld crossfire and are now being chased by them as you’ve witnessed too much to be allowed to live.
3. Chennai - You’re lost and no one is willing to speak to you in a non-Tamil language, leaving you with no choice but to keep walking on the road until you drop dead.
4. A menacing-looking Bengali…See! I cannot even continue with this sentence because the mere mention of a menacing-looking Bengali sounds oxymoronic and has therefore already made this the least likely scenario!
I’m sure I’m wrong on this – there must be heaps of crime statistics out there that prove that Kolkata isn’t any safer than most big cities in India – but it just didn’t feel that way. Even the cops looked friendly – as if they would offer you a cup of tea and a roshogulla before arresting you if you ever did do something that warranted arrest.
Now, a lot of you might protest at this point “What do you mean a Bengali cannot be a dangerous, cold-blooded criminal? I have two words for you – Bob Biswas!” That may be the case, but the feeling I got was more along the lines of what Robert Clive may have felt before deciding to go ahead with the Battle of Plassey. Here was a chap without much of a track record at colonizing – but when he started trading in Bengal, the thought probably struck him “Hmm…the whole trade philosophy of give and take is fine, but I think I prefer just the take part of it. Why don’t I just conquer Bengal? The Bengali may be ferocious in debate, but he’s unlikely to engage in prolonged armed conflict, particularly if I attacked in the afternoon.” Of course, being possessed of a character that’s devoid of imperialistic or dictatorial tendencies, invading Bengal did not cross my mind – but it probably would have if I was predisposed towards such militaristic activities.
Of course, Kolkata is renowned for its street food – and unlike Tom Cruise, the hype is perfectly justified. But apart from mastering the art of making delicious rolls, the roll shop populace has also achieved mastery over the mathematics of permutations and combinations to create an elaborate menu out of 3-4 basic ingredients. Every roll shop would have 3-4 basic ingredients – chicken, mutton, egg and maybe veg/paneer. The menu, though, would stretch to an entire page, or be painted on an entire wall, thanks to the various combinations of single and double that you could choose for each. Chicken roll, therefore, would form an entire section in the menu, with items in that section coming in the following forms: Chicken Roll, Double Chicken Roll, Egg Chicken Roll, Double Egg Single Chicken Roll, Double Egg Double Chicken Roll, and so on.
Come to think of it, it’s a bit like this post – I’d started thinking there isn’t a whole lot to say and so this would be a short post, but its ended up being about as long as most other posts!
12 comments:
Dude..I absolutely love it. It isn't the ROTFL kind of hilarious;it is witty, funny and also has a soft feel to it...don't know how to describe it in words. The part about Kolkata made me nostalgic and made me smile. Ofcourse your brand of humour is evident in the history syllabus bit and the dialogues. Really good post, loved reading it and I will read it again; not because it is about Kolkata and I miss home; but simply because of the way you wrote it. Well done, Poshtor!!
Thank you! Thank you so much! Sounds like you really liked it :) And in a way that's different from the other posts so far - so that's always a good sign! And yes, I think what comes across is that I quite enjoyed wandering around Kolkata (apart from the muggy weather). And yes, I did have the egg chicken roll you asked me to - and that made it's way into the last bit :)
One thing that I at least remember from my history lessons was that the teachers themselves exhibited one of 2 qualities - they either looked like they had some sort of historical significance (the sword wielding, horse riding, "freedom" shouting kinds) or they were Bengali. I can bet some part of my bottom dollar that these two form a part of a checklist before someone hires a History teacher for high school in India.
At the mention of Kolkata - its the only place where the restaurant has a lunch time for its employees and that sir is no mean joke (if you are an employee that is). Otherwise, it was the laziest, craziest and most opinionated place I have ever been to. Never before or ever again have I sat next to a complete stranger on a local train and gotten a look of such immense derision as I got in Kolkata upon mentioning that I hailed from Delhi - not in Boston, London, Chicago or even in Mumbai (well come to think of it, if you can get enough space on a local in Mumbai to breathe, you would rather not waste it on speaking... point noted - Boston, Chicago and London it is on the list then). But the fact remains that the ultimate birthright of a Bengali - to judge every living being by the mere mention of their birthplace is nowhere more evident than the locals of Kolkata.
Couldnt agree more on the street food or any kind of food in Cal. Havent spend more than 2 weeks in the city in my life but those seemed like a lifetime in themselves. Great memories brought back by a great post....
....AND this time, Tania didn't have to remind me to read this one. Its true when the say - "Saari Khudayi ek taraf, Joru ka bhai ek taraf"
- Saurabh
Hahaha...I'm guessing Tania miht not have even woken up yet!
I think our history teachers were more from the first part of the checklist - don't remember having a Bengali one. But yes, I always had a love-hate relationship with my History teachers - they thought it was a subject I had a knack for, but when I didn't know the answer, I would cook up something random and land up in all sorts of trouble!
Did not face any of that derision myself, but then again such a situation did not arise on my visit. Out of curiosity, is that derision for anyone from Delhi, or more pronounced if you're a Bengali from Delhi?
I suppose Kolkata's a bit like History too - there's the good and the bad, but there's no indifferent! Thanks for the comment though - always encouraging!
nice stuff Argha ..george
Ya Man..I agree with Subarna...A pretty warm and fuzzy feel to the post!! Usually I end up rolling in laughter by the end of your blogs but this time it was a quiet smile.
Cheers to the New Style of writing!!
good stuff kid...
well, I guess amongst most others,I have the least experience of Kolkata,(infact next to none)... but good to see the sudden burst of bongness in you.
History- the most boring subject in school, though its fascinating now! Too much has happened over the last few years, so the lazy textbook writers can get to some work rather than repetition.Contemporary history(sounds like an oxymoron) is much required though.
Bob Biswas, lol yes he was quite a character.
As per rolls go, i thought you liked doubling up(if not tripling), like double chicken egg roll or double egg chicken roll, how come only a egg chicken roll?
Geo - Thanks! :)
Ronald - Thanks dude - glad you like it, even if it was a little different from some of the earlier posts :)
Kid - heheheheh, I did have an egg double chicken roll actually - mentioned it as egg chicken as those were the two basic ingredients ;)
It's funny how a lot of subjects that seemed boring while studying it at school do not seem that boring when u don't have to study it!
finally read it. Totally agree on the Kolkata bit. Could so relate to it!
Love it!
Thank god my city is Pune....its wrapped in glory of history,where gloden shower on kalayani road smell of yellow,COEP road add to crowd of headless count of budding engineers,even road in tulsi bagh resonate of buzz....z bridge still dissolve drums,tasha..group of last ganpati festival.......take a break come to pune...visit history,live history.....maybe you’ll never have to use that phrase” history was the chicken liver of academic streams”,anymore……..Mriganka.
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