In an age when general incompetence and sub-zero IQ levels are a given when dealing with customer service, Airtel still manages to surprise and frustrate you with its sheer magnitude of ineptitude. Earlier, after the customary failure of the customer service person to comprehend what you’re saying, you could still speak to a supervisor-type and manage to get perhaps a fraction of the message across – now this is denied as well, probably because the people who were earlier at the bottom rung have now been elevated to the supervisor level.
While you’d probably need to be even more foolishly optimistic than the person who decided that lifeboats with less than half the capacity of the Titanic was more than adequate - to expect any improvement on that front, there is still a way to get back at such corporations. A couple of years ago, I had sent a mail along these lines to Airtel – perhaps if enough people can re-send this mail to Airtel, they might just be conned into believing that there is sufficient demand for this service.
Dear Airtel
I was wondering if your esteemed organisation can provide IVR (Interactive Voice Response) facility to individuals as well, the way most corporations use it these days for their customer service. This would greatly help me deal with all the calls I receive in a far more efficient manner. Just the way I’m delighted whenever I call you up and you make me wait for 20 minutes listening to soothing instrumental music all the time reminding me how important my call is to you – I would like it if I could extend you the same courtesy.
Whenever anyone calls me, they should get to hear a pre-recorded voice welcoming them “You have reached the phone of Argha Sarkar. Press 1 if this is an official call, or press 2 if this is a personal call.” When someone dials 1, another pre-recorded voice should tell them:
- Press 1 if you wish to sell a credit card to Argha
- Press 2 if you wish to sell a loan to Argha
- Press 3 if you wish for Argha to invest in your delightful investment opportunity
- Press 4 if you would like to help take charge of Argha’s career
- Press 5 if you wish for Argha to join your club
- Press 6 if you wish to offer Argha a job
- If you wish to sell any real estate to Argha Sarkar, you have sadly overestimated his wealth and may disconnect. Thank you for calling Argha anyway, and do check again in a decade’s time.
- If this is Airtel wishing to inform Argha about their delightful new rate plan or ring tone, for the sake of general peace and quiet we recommend you disconnect the phone NOW.
And when someone presses any of the numbers, an automated voice should inform them “You are currently caller number...‘Seven’ (said in a different voice)...(back to old voice)kindly be on hold. Argha Sarkar values your call and he shall be with you as soon as he feels like it.” And then there should be at least ten minutes of soothing instrumental music. At which point I answer the phone and behave like a typical customer service chap:
Me: Good morning, this is Argha Sarkar. How may I help you?
Other Guy: Good morning Sir. Yadda yadda yadda...zero-annual fee credit card...yadda yadda yadda...exclusively for you...yadda yadda...Standard Chartered.
Me: A zero-annual fee credit card, huh? I’m sorry, but I do not deal with Citibank any longer.
Other Guy: But Sir, this is Standard Chartered!
Me: I’m sorry, but I do not deal with Citibank. It says so in the system, although I could be mistaken because our system is down right now.
Other Guy: Sir, you do not understand. I’m from Standard Chartered – it is Citibank that you do not deal with.
Me: I’m sorry, but Barack Obama has been elected the president of the US. I cannot buy your credit card.
Other Guy: But Sir, how does that matter? You’re not making any sense.
Me: I’m sorry, but it says so in the system. Barack Obama has been elected president of the US.
Other Guy: So what do I do now?
Me: You could sell me another card you wish, something which is not Citibank, because I do not deal with Citibank.
Other Guy: Isn’t there anyway you can help me out?
Me: Sure. Could you kindly be on hold while I check my systems?
Here I should be able to put the person on hold - he/she could do with another ten minutes of soothing instrumental music (with a reminder every two minutes of how I value their business) – until I get back to them – “No.” Just to make this process more frustrating, I would also appreciate it if it’s possible for you to randomly disconnect the call whenever any caller seems to be making some headway, so that he would have to call and go through this entire process again.
Do let me know if such a service is possible for you to provide. I would greatly appreciate your prompt response on the same, and hope for a positive outcome.
Thanks and regards
Argha Sarkar
13 comments:
A brilliant and accurate account of the state of customer service (a misnomer) in India. My sentiments exactly, as currently I soend half my day dealing with Airtel, just to have a working mobile connection in Bangalore. I am now completely disgusted with Airtel. I have taken time out of office today for the sole purpose of going to an Airtel office and screwing them in person.
First of all I want to know, is the IQ level in India so low, or does Airtel have exclusive access to morons who they can hire. Sample this conversation between me & the Airtel "Customer Care" Guy--
Me: I specifically told your rep that I was staying in the Company Guest House temporarily & I'll be checking out on the 11th.
Airtel CC guy: I am sorry ma'am but our person went there on the 13th and you were not present there.
Me: Thats exactly what I told you. I'll be there till the 11th. Your person could go to the Guest House reception and check whether I was staying there or not.
Airtel CC Guy: Our guy asked a Security Guard in Wipro whether they know a Subarna Chowdhury and he said "No".
Me: Obviously!! Do you know how big the Wipro campus is? How will the guard know me by name. What is the solution to this now?
Airtel CC Guy: You have to be staying there.
Me: I told you its a guest house. I have CHECKED OUT of there.
Airtel CC Guy: Do you have any blood relative staying there?
At this point, I lost it.
Thats not all. They also disconnect your numbers at will, without rhyme or reason, while on their website, it still shows "Active". Airtel Customer "Care" 121 is supposed to be your anytime, anywhere number to call. Yet, you cannot get info on your Hyderabad number if you are in Bangalore. They will give you an STD (not toll-free) number, which after all the IVRs will suddenly go blank. However, your payment can be accepted anywhere in India. And also for inactive numbers. Strange, isn't it?
Sadly, Airtel is not the only one. I just had an exoerience with Easycabs, in the morning. After all the procedures, the rep tells me if there is no cab available in my area, they will inform me an hour before the pick-up time. I asked her what is the meaning of "booking" a cab if it is not confirmed. To that she replied its the company policy. She was kind enough to inform me that if I want to cancel the booking I should do it atleast one hour prior to the pick-up time else there is a cancellation charge. I realised there was no point in continuing the conversation.
Thanks Argha for this brilliant piece. Lets start a movement to get rid of these imbeciles who don't even know the meaning of customer care. What say?
After publishing it, I realized that my comment is a post in itself. Sorry for such a huge comment. I guess I have very strong feelings on this subject. But I am really serious on the movement bit. I call upon everyone who reads this, to send an email to Airtel. Its time to wake them up.
Subarna - posting a long comment is perfectly fine! It's not like there are any restrictions on the size of comment...plus, I've seen what you've gone through, so I can totally empathize :)
Also, belatedly, here is your acknowledgment- thanks for providing the spark that has triggered off the chain of thoughts leading to most of the posts on this blog :)
He He...remeber the time you responded to this airtel guy (speaking to u in kannad) in bangla?? u guys had one heck of a conversation!!
Subarna: U wanna start another call center????????
Argha--Thanks for the support. And the acknowledgement. :)
Booboo--I don't wanna START a callcenter. I want these big corporates to wake up and start hiring people with basic common sense for their call centers.
Abhinav - Hahahaha...I remember a lot of tactics we had developed to deal with these people - including Dimitry trying to sell them data warehousing in return, the whole George Thangiah East-West-North-South business, etc
Subarna - Yes, we should all send that letter to Airtel! A word of caution, though - the moron pool is bigger than u think, and isn't just limited to Airtel!
you are not alone...i am here with u....
feels awesome to kno that there's more fellow sufferers out there!! customers of the world unite..u have nothing to lose except........
:)
Memories! Man, there are some really funny memories! The sabzi card incident, ofcourse, is the only time these jokers were able to con me real good!
About morons, gotta admit that the moron pool is bigger in my co. than all Airtel call centers combined! PS: We might just be taking ur calls next!
Alien: Arnt u working with Airtel???????
No Boo boo i don't work with airtel....i work with Bharti Retail!!!
Is that the "del monte" business by any chance
hmm.....subarna and ME is better equipped to hav sent this post rather than argha:)...
subarna, my sympathies were wid u untill u happily passed my number to these vodafone guys jus soo that u cud enjoy yr peace!
n kido...yr idea is already an advertisemnt nw, u shud go sue dem fr copyrights!!
hahahahaha...booboo, argha - i wud say these call center guys really provided a mega catharsis avenue to us while at cranes!
booboo even complained to RBI and got an acknowledgement from them against citibank slipping in their sabzi card to him unsolicited - and even debiting money from his a/c for it!! :-) poor booboo went ballistic!
and as for airtel - i guess none at cranes 5th floor wil ever forget booboo threatening to 'throw the fcukin sim card on your regional manager's face'!!
others i can remember - we providing those guys suneil's no for everything & anything as an 'interested candidate' and me snitching an idea from that fwd mail (on various ways to handle these tele-callers) and agreeing to take a house/personal/commercial loan only if the female tele-caller was agreeable to marrying me!! she sure didnt call back! ;-)
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