Reimbursement by the Billions

There are some things in life that are never easy – entering into unarmed combat with a grizzly bear, liking a politician in Karnataka and getting your expenses reimbursed from any corporate-type company that has half a process in place. Having been in one such company myself, and having known many friends who are in such companies, I have realised that the stories are always the same. We only reimburse on the 10^th of every month, the bills seem ‘inconsistent’, necessary approvals are missing, it is still in process, the stars aren’t aligned properly – getting your money back from the company has always been a tension-ridden affair.

So one can well imagine how much more complicated things could get when we take this process of reimbursement to the international stage, at the level of national governments. Recently, it appeared in the newspaper that the US had withheld $55 million claimed by Pakistan as ‘war on terror’ expenses. Apparently the US auditors felt that something didn’t quite add up. I suppose the expense statement would’ve raised a few eyebrows:

·    Training expenses of 10 LeT terrorists for Mumbai attack: $10 million ·         Training of 10 soldiers for fighting Taliban forces in FATA: $ 10 million ·      50 kgs RDX to JuD for Jehad in Kashmir: $15 million ·        100 Rocket launchers used against Al-Qaeda in those hilly tribal areas: $15 million

 

If this makes you think “Aha. They’ve got some smart auditors there, awake to their task. Thank goodness they didn’t go with PWC!” – think again. It seems that the Bush administration had provided Obama’s advisers with a war on terror report which was essentially something along the lines of “Yeah, things are generally going well. Afghanistan hammered, Iraq hammered...oh, and by the way, there was wastage of $10 billion by Pakistan on its war on terror expenses”. I’m guessing this is what the scene would’ve been like:

Musharraf: Hey, George – we’re buddies, right?

Bush: We sure are, Mush.

Musharraf: Just what I wanted to hear, George. By the way, there’s this piece of paper that I would like you to sign, George. Just some incidental war on terror expenses, nothing major really.

Bush looks at the paper:

Bazookas, grenades, AK-47s and that sort of stuff:           $5 billion Miscellaneous:                                                                                   $5 billion Total:                                                                                                     $10 billion

 Bush: Looks good to me. There you are.

(Signs on paper)

All said and done, one cannot deny that the US government has been rather generous, even if sometimes accidentally so. And this is not the first such case. A few months back, there was this news item that the US “accidentally” shipped four NUCLEAR WARHEADS to Taiwan!!! It seems it was intended for some other destination, but ended up in Taiwan by mistake. Needless to say, China was not thrilled about this one bit – but how the hell do you manage to accidentally ship nuclear warheads to the wrong destination??? It’s one thing for a courier company to bungle up your address and give your neighbour your letter – but this??? Imagine the scene:

Taiwanese General: Hmmm, a delivery for me, eh? What do we have here?

Nuclear Warhead Delivery Guy: Four nuclear warheads from Uncle Sam, sir.

Taiwanese General: I was expecting the F-16s, actually...are you sure you’ve got the address right?

Nuclear Warhead Delivery Guy: Look here now, if you expect me to haul these nuclear warheads all the way back to my head office...

Taiwanese General:  What the hell. I can’t send you back now after all the effort you made in hauling that all the way here. I’ll take it. I guess our army would figure out some use for these.

Nuclear Warhead Delivery Guy: You’ll have to sign here...(flips page)...here...(flips page)...here...(flips page)...and here.